I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
