woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
