He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Vodka?
Forever.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
