and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
