I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
