Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
