But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
