i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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