My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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