Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
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