dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
