Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
i think my cat just said my name.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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