p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
