here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
