her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
