i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
