I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
