Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
