I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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