I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Randomize
