I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
