You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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