Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
