She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
