You can't motorboat a personality
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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