Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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