The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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