"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
