He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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