She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
