we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
