Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
