from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
