Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
