Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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