She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
