I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
