he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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