His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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