When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
