I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
