They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
