it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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