Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Randomize
