he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
