I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
of course. lets lasso hookers.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
