I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
