I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
