Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
