Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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