Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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