she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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